Adele’s Divorce Fears: The Surprising Truth About Its Impact on Children

Lauren Libbert explains why divorce can actually be a good thing for children and how the ‘failure’ mindset around divorce needs to change

Adele singing during her CBS TV special.

Can divorce be good for children? And why is this question so rarely asked? In the UK alone, 42% of marriages end in divorce and yet we think only in terms of the damage this wreaks on children, fetishizing marriage as a utopia of sorts when it comes to raising a happy, well-adjusted family.

Even Adele admitted to being obsessed with the idea of raising her son in a nuclear family, in her recent interview with Oprah. The singer opened up, during the Adele One Night Only TV special, saying she felt embarrassed and disappointed when her marriage to Simon Konecki failed.

“From a very young age I promised myself that, when I had kids, we’d stay together. And I tried for a really, really long time,” she said, clearly holding to the well-worn view that marriage is good for children while divorce is not.

Sadly, most of the studies on the children of divorce paint a similarly bleak picture—after a family split, your kids are more likely to be on drugs, fail their exams, and self-harm. It feels like a harsh price to pay.

But it’s not always like that.

WHY DIVORCE WAS GOOD FOR MY KIDS

My ex and I split in December 2015 when my oldest son was 10 and his brother had just turned eight. As the youngest of five from a stable family home, I had no lived experience of divorce and, like Adele, I felt a crippling disappointment we couldn’t make the marriage work and was petrified it would damage the boys.

For the first few weeks after the split, I was on hyper-alert, looking for signs. If my oldest skipped breakfast, it was the first sign of an eating disorder. If the school called in the day, someone had misbehaved and was being sent home. But weeks turned into months and the expected downward slide in behavior didn’t transpire and I started to relax and breathe a little easier.

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