Guess what, everybody? Just when you thought we might be done exploiting Amy Winehouse’s tragic end for profit, it turns out … there’s still some cash to be made! This morning, a new trailer emerged for Back to Black, a biopic that aims to capture Winehouse’s rise to stardom and ultimate spiral into self-destruction, all for our sick enjoyment. Hurray!

Before I say anything else, please now look at the trailer. And be sure to pay particular attention to the supremely ironic part where the actress playing Winehouse (Marisa Abela) mutters the line, “I wanna be remembered for just being me.” Ugh.

Please now allow me to now tell you all of the reasons I already hate this movie.

Amy Winehouse was goofy and hilarious and had a bawdy sense of humor and there is no sign of any of that in this trailer and that is a giant bummer.

The Winehouse estate approved Back to Black, but the Winehouse estate has demonstrated over and over again that it will take any and every opportunity to make money from Amy Winehouse’s name, regardless of whether or not she’d have approved. These people OK’d an Amy Winehouse hologram, for crying out loud. Can we be done giving them money now?

Marisa Abela is doing an extremely good Amy Winehouse impersonation here. It’s genuinely impressive. Unfortunately, all of the things that made Winehouse such a compelling performer and human were perfectly intangible and cannot be replicated. By anyone. Even someone who’s nailing the accent this well. No amount of hairspray and eyeliner is going to compensate for that.

That “You’ve gotta remember: I ain’t no Spice Girl” line was deemed enough of a movie high-point to be put in this trailer. Let’s consider how bad the other dialogue must be if this made the cut.

This is kind of a side note but Amy Winehouse hated Dido infinitely more than she hated the Spice Girls and I would trust this movie a lot more if there was a sneaky Dido reference in evidence. (Please enjoy this footage of Amy Winehouse throwing a rock at a Dido poster at a time of your choosing.)

Isn’t this basically just a costumed reenactment of things we already saw in 2015’s perfect, Oscar- and Grammy-winning documentary, Amy? What is the point of this?

Isn’t this also just a costumed reenactment of what we, as Amy Winehouse fans, all watched happen in slow motion at the time? It wasn’t that long ago! Who is clamoring to see this supremely talented young woman self-destruct again already?

Do any of us really want to have to think about Mitch Winehouse or Blake Fielder-Civil ever again? Especially via the medium of look-alikes? No, thank you.

Amy was self-deprecating and had a very finely tuned BS detector. I genuinely don’t believe she would be enjoying any of this.

Back to Black stands as evidence that, as a culture, we’re still not done exploiting the pain of our biggest female stars for public entertainment. She dealt with too much of that in life. Amy Winehouse shouldn’t be contending with it 12 years after her death.

For those of you who still want to see this biopic for some reason, Back to Black is set for release nationwide on May 10, 2024. Good luck with all that.